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November 29, 2004

Aspiring authors, take note!

How not to get a bookstore to carry your book:

Today I received a box via USPS Media Mail that contained 5 books, all hardcovers, none very impressive. The box had no purchase order listed on the outside (but did have "RE: Your book order" on it) and no invoice or packing list on the inside. There was an order form included with the prices of the books, which were exorbitant, to say the least. The order form also asked for $9.75 per book for shipping and handling charges (4 - 6 weeks to ship). Except that when you send things via Media Mail, I can see exactly how much you are ripping me off--it cost $5.76 to send all 5 books to me originally.

Now--the good part. No phone number was listed on the order form, so I did some research and found the publisher. I called and got the author on the phone. Our conversation was short:

Me: This is Ensie with Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs, and we received an order of your books today that we did not order. I need to return them, how would you like me to send them, and how would you like to pay for them?

She: Um, what books?

Me: Books you sent to us unsolicited. Books we will not pay for. Books I need to return.

She: Can you send them to another address for me?

Me: At our expense? (chuckle). Oh, no. No.

She: Shit.

Me: So, what would you like me to do with the books?

She: (long pause) I'll have to call you tomorrow.

Me: OK. My name, again, is Ensie. Do you want my number now?

She: No.

Me: How will you call me back then?

She: I have you on my caller ID.

Me: Oh, great! Then you'll recognize my number when I call you back if I don't hear from you tomorrow. Goodbye!

Don't think you can pull some lame scam on me. I know how it works...the holiday rush...books show up...we shelve them not realizing we didn't order them...and then you bill us for some crap we never would have ordered legitimately.

Hope you don't expect Bob's Hogs to EVER carry your books. I've already passed your info onto the Powers That Be. I'll be waiting for your call.

PS--I've been known to be very generous to small-time publishers and first-time authors if they contact me directly and want us to carry their stuff. Too bad you tried to rip me off first.

Posted by Ensie at November 29, 2004 06:41 PM


Un.Be.Lievable. What gall! It's like live spam. How bad is the book itself? Is it blue and has a butterfly on the cover? ;)

Posted by: Eden at December 4, 2004 09:05 AM

How did you know? Seriously. It does.

Posted by: ensie at December 4, 2004 05:11 PM

Great stuff!! All working wonderfully .free software download

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