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June 30, 2004

I'm not usually in the habit of slapping the homeless...

...but I can always make an exception.

One day I was driving back to Bob’s Hogs and Weiner Pigs after a meeting with a customer. I stopped at a red light on a street I drive down regularly. There are often homeless men standing on the island in the middle of the street at this light, and when I have leftover food from a meal I’ll hand it over to them. I rarely give money, as I have stopped carrying cash almost entirely. I am the Queen of the Debit Card, and find it much easier to use than cash.

On this particular day, there was only one homeless man standing on the center island, holding a cardboard sign reading, “HOMELESS—NEED MONEY.” I took a moment to read the sign and give a tight-lipped, apologetic smile, as I didn’t have even a single coin in my pocket to toss out the window.

I glanced away for a moment to check the light (still red), and then back at the homeless man, doing a double take as the light turned green. As I accelerated I re-read the cardboard sign he held, “I UNDERSTAND--THAT TIME OF THE MONTH HUH?” Shocked, I looked at the face of the homeless man, staring back at me with a smarmy sneer.

I’ve seen him several times since then. I’m trying really hard not to hold his misogynistic creepiness against him. Sometimes I imagine having some sort of cardboard sign war with him. Driving by, he’ll remember me, and I’ll flash him a sign reading, “HEY PRICK! YOUR SIGN ISN’T GOING TO GET YOU ANY MORE SPARE CHANGE” or some other such bullshit. Then again, he is homeless.

Posted by Ensie at June 30, 2004 07:15 PM


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