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May 16, 2004

Is Orlando Bloom hott with two "T's" or three?

Frinklin, my 22 year year old sister Katie, and myself went to see Troy yesterday. “Not great but not bad,” was pretty much our collective reaction to it. Not something I have a burning desire to ever see again, but probably worth the $7.00 matinee admission. And it gave Katie and I chance to settle our “Who Is Hotter?” debate—Orlando Bloom or Brad Pitt. Just the random mysteries of attraction at work.

Katie says Brad Pitt, by far. She thinks he’s more manly looking, and I have to admit, he was nicely built for the role. However, his lack of acting ability can push me over the edge, and there was enough bad writing to emphasize that fact very well in places. Plus, his face is just so W-I-D-E. And his bottom lip is so large. It throws his face out of whack—I just don’t see it. I admit he’s handsome, however, he’s completely unattractive to me. And he was just so blond! It was a battle to see who could fade into the sandy background more—Brad Pitt or the (beautiful) woman who played Helen.

I am more of an Orlando Bloom fan. He’s pretty, almost beautiful to behold. His dark hair makes him smolder, as opposed to Brad Pitt’s golden blond washout. I admit he is tall and thin or as Katie says, “He’s so feminine!” Hey—I got no problem with that. He’s hot. And I got to see my Orlando Bloom the way I like him—shootin’ arrows. We ended up with a draw. Agreeing to disagree.

What we both firmly agreed on was that Eric Bana was incredible as Hector. He blew both Orlando and Brad out of the water. I hated The Incredible Hulk, so I was glad to finally have a reason to like Eric. And Sean Bean was very good as Odysseus. Yay Sean Bean! There were even inklings of a possible sequel (as always), which I would happily eat popcorn in front of, were Sean Bean to star.

Now, a quick run down of my rating scale:

· Worth Full Price = Must See. Not just entertaining, but a fine film as well.

· Matinee = Good. More entertaining than anything.

· Rent It = Bad and/or Stupid. Wouldn’t be caught dead seeing it in the theater.

· Cable = So Bad I Can’t Be Bothered to Seek It Out. If I happen to catch it, I might watch it.

I give Troy a Matinee rating.

A few nitpicks about Troy (and if you’re pissed about spoilers, too bad, I’m pretty sure The Iliad already ruined it for you a LONG time ago!):

· The wailing woman music. We get it. Bad things are going to happen.

· Brain Cox—I can’t decide if I loved his totally over-the-top depiction of Agamemnon or hated it.

· The condensed time frame of the film. These battles took years—crossing the Aegean Sea took forever. It’s all up and over within a few weeks in the movie.

· Totally skipping over the physical immortality of Achilles. WTF? It’s an integral part of the story! Instead, they opted to make Achilles’ search for his abstract immortality (“I want my name to be known forever…blah, blah, blah.” And, “Immortality! Take It! It’s Yours!”) his driving force. This really becomes obvious when Paris shoots Achilles with an arrow in the Achilles tendon, but then continues to hit him several times in the chest to actually kill him. I can understand adapting the written work for the screen, but it changes the entire character of Achilles. Which they had alrady done anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter (but I'm being nitpicky, remember?).

· Please casting directors—the women you are casting are freaking me out. With their bones sticking out, their giant lips, and their eyes emphasized by their gaunt faces, they’re becoming caricatures of beautiful women. Saffron Burrows can be beautiful, but not in this.

This is the end of the movie rant. Let me know what you all thought of it.

Total number of times the word "beautiful" is used: four.

Posted by Ensie at May 16, 2004 09:54 AM


You're my hero.

Posted by: Amelia at July 20, 2005 03:16 AM

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