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August 25, 2004

Dear Right-Wing Conspiracy Freaks,

I realize that dividing your time between Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly doesn’t leave you much time to focus on facts, but as a bookstore employee, please allow me to enlighten you. Currently, there are plenty of rumors that bookstores around the nation are conspiring to keep Unfit for Command off shelves and out of customers’ hands. This is truly one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

Bookstores are first and foremost businesses, especially the big-box bookstores. Your average bookstore employee may not agree with your particular political views, but the company views making money as the top priority. Unfit for Command is the number one bestseller in the country, and every bookstore wishes they could keep enough stock on hand to sell to everyone who wanted one.

The publisher has recently stated that they are the reason that the book is not on bookstore shelves:

Regnery spokeswoman Kelley Keeler said Tuesday that the company, a longtime publisher of conservative authors such as William F. Buckley Jr. and Pat Buchanan, can't keep up with the "huge" demand, in part because the book's September publication date was moved up as interest in the book grew.

"We're trying to get more copies out as fast as we can," spokeswoman Keeler said.

Next time you all get together to come up with a book, please MAKE THE PRINT RUN LARGER. Print ten million. Please. Let people see what a bunch of story changing, Republican connected folks you are. I encourage you.

My real hope is that this will keep asshats* like yourselves from yelling at myself or my fellow booksellers every time we have to explain that we have sold out of the book. You don't want to hear that we will gladly order the book for you when available again or reserve you a copy when we get more in stock. As soon as, “No, we can…” is out of my mouth I’m being screamed and stomped at with shouts of “Liberal bias!” and “I’ll never shop here again!”

I’m tired of hearing from you. Please go away. It’s not a conspiracy. Just chill the fuck out. I really want the Garden State soundtrack but they didn’t print enough of that either. So I’m waiting, too.



*Thanks to Your Moosey Fate for reminding what a fun word "asshat" is. Asshat! Hahahaha.

Posted by Ensie at August 25, 2004 07:38 PM


AssyAssyAssyHat! Ha!

Posted by: Gir at August 25, 2004 10:11 PM

I think "Asshat" will become your Garden State "individual" moment. I can't think of anyone else who has ever said that word! Oh, and I actually saw Garden State last weekend....what a great flick!

Posted by: Pat at August 26, 2004 06:20 AM

Have you seen the Borders' Employee Union chatboards? Here's an excerpt:

"You guys don't actually HAVE to sell the thing!
Just "carelessly" hide the boxes, "accidentally" drop them off pallets, "forget" to stock the ones you have, and then suggest a nice Al Franken or Micheal Moore book as a substitute. Borders wants those recommends, remember?

I don't care if these Neandertals in fancy suits get mad at me, they aren't regular customers anyway. Other than "Left Behind" books, they don't read. Anything you can do to make them feel unwelcome is only fair. They are the people pushing retailers to cut costs, don't forget. And they would censor your speech, your books, your music in a heartbeat, so give them a taste of it!

Don't get mad, get even!"

Posted by: Evilwhiteguy at September 15, 2004 11:20 PM

During the recent Preidential campaign I did go to Barnes & Noble to see about "Unfit For Command". Yes, they did carry it, however it was'nt in the front with the other best sellers. It was stuck in the back area in the political section. I did wonder why such a big seller was'nt up front for easy access....Oh Well.

Posted by: Charlie Kline at September 7, 2005 07:07 PM

Charlie Kline,

FYI--I'm sure you did. I'm sure. Because B&N doesn't WANT to sell books. They are a purely political organization, not an actual BOOKSTORE. If it was in the political section, that's because that is the SECTION IT WOULD NORMALLY BE SHELVED IN, ASSHOLE. Although I highly doubt that they had them in the political section, because everyone was SOLD OUT of them!

Posted by: ensie at September 7, 2005 10:03 PM

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