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September 28, 2005


Oh, the homesickness. In waves, like nausea. I've been absolutely miserable.

We've been just over two months and it's like a bell went off in my brain that, instead of saying, "ding!" is screaming, "I WANT TO GO HOOOOOOMMMEEEE!!" Then there are tears and sobbing and a weird panic attack that I actually felt coming on 1/2 hour before it hit.

I had finished eating dinner on Monday night and thought--odd, I feel as though I'm going to have an anxiety attack. Shortly after, I was preparing to go to bed and wham! Tears and gulping for air and uncontrollable shaking. After 15 or 20 minutes I was able to pull it together, only to be hit by another round of tears and shaking moments later (although I could breathe this time). I finally relaxed enough to watch some TV, read, and sleep (thanks to Simply Sleep).

Tuesday sucked. I've been having a difficult time adjusting at work. The people are relatively friendly, but each Bob's Hogs is going to be different, and this one certainly is. It makes me wonder if we were all just slackers down in San Diego. The random rules and restrictions at this particular store are playing havoc with my role as Queen of Everything. The staff at this store is proving less malleable to my way (the correct way) of doing everything. I was blessed to have a very successful program in San Diego that required a lot of time-consuming work, but relatively little outreach. Here, I find I have to do twice the amount of outreach and am reaping less than half of the benefits. Things are beginning to move, but I am impatient. I know realize how lucky I was previously. And I am feeling rather sick at the thought that I voluntarily gave that up.

Yesterday evening concluded with another round of tears, this time on the phone with my Mom. My family is extremely important to me, and I miss them more than I thought possible. How am I going to survive missing my younger sibling's high school years? How can I continue going to the movies without my best friend - my sister, Katie?

I'm feeling considerably better today, but it's more of a struggle than I anticipated

Posted by Ensie at September 28, 2005 06:48 PM

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Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry! I don't even have suggestions for fixing it. I hope with time things will get easier. I'll keep you in my prayers. I love you! I know you can do this!

Posted by: Violet at September 30, 2005 01:24 PM

I know just how you feel, having spent that excruciating year in Colorado.

Posted by: eden at October 2, 2005 11:04 AM

Adjusting to a new place is always trying. You'll get there. The key is to find something special about where you are, and make it YOUR THING. (I've moved far too often.)

Posted by: MissMeliss at October 2, 2005 05:53 PM

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