Both Hands

The Red Cross

Click here to donate money to the Red Cross to help the earthquake and tsunami victims.

Even if you feel like you can't afford it, it helps to do what you can.

Home to San Diego

We made it home safely this morning. A word of advice--don't book a flight for 7:40am when you're staying an hour from the airport. Waking up at 3:30 this morning wasn't pretty. We did get some great pictures while were were there though...

The Olympic Mountains from Lake Washington

The sunset on the drive out to Mt. Rainier

Mt. Rainier, three minutes from Frinklin's father's house

The Olympics at sunset from Capitol Hill

And of course, the Space Needle. We had lunch at the Sky City restaurant located just under the observation deck. We had a wonderful view of the fog, which cleared as soon as our feet touched solid ground again.

More pictures to come in the near future.

Christmas Vacation

Blogging will be light during the next few days. I'm spending Christmas with the in-laws in Seattle. Currently, it is cold and foggy, with a continued chance of cold and foggy. Snow also possible.

It is 75 degrees and sunny in San Diego.

Digital Camera

Yay! My awesome parents gave us a digital camera for Christmas! I love it!

(and parents, if you are reading this, it in no way diminishes my joy over this gift, it's just an amusing story on a blog, OK?)

However, giving us the UK plug with an American plug that we must attach ourselves, I'm not so much loving. We tried to place the American plug on the UK plug in various ways before I finally gave up and called Dad, "Hey--do you just place the American plug over the UK plug?"

I could actually hear my Dad shaking his head at my stupidity, "No, you have to cut off the UK head and strip the wires, then attach the US head."

"This is not a very user-friendly gift so far, Dad."

"Just bring it over tomorrow and I'll do it."

"That's the answer I was looking for. Thanks Dad! Love the camera!"

I am being punished

I am flying to Seattle (OK, just outside of Seattle) on Tuesday night to spend Christmas with my in-laws, most of whom I've never met. Do you think God could let me go in all my finery, feeling good and looking better?

No.

I have a miserable cold that may even prevent me from going the the honest-to-goodness-real-life-married-couple-party tonight.

As my Dad said when he heard my voice on the phone yesterday, "Oooo. And it's so fun to fly with your sinuses all blocked up."

Stupid Customer of the Day

From special guest author L.!

A girl walks up to to me looking for some help:

Her: "Do you have this book?" Points to a slip of paper in her hand upon which is written "Complete Idiot's Guide to Atheism" (or something like it, I don't remember exactly).

I look it up. It is out of stock, so I offer to order it.

"I need it by the end of next week. It's a Christmas gift."

At that point, my brain nearly exploded.

Thanks L. We do love our stupid customers.

I feel so...Lost

I did not watch the Lost rerun premier this week. I really wanted to, but we're flying to Seattle on Tuesday night, and I'm already a nervous flyer. It's probably best that I skip the horrific plane crash scene being played over and over from numerous different angles.

Register Humor

If there is one thing I've heard a thousand times at the registers it is the following statement:

"No price? Well, that must mean it's free!"
This is instantly how I know you are a total asshole and I will try to get through our remaining shared 30 seconds without slapping you. Please, try and restrain yourself, it's not funny anymore. It really never was.

The runner-up to the above statement is:

"No, I don't need a bag. Save a plastic tree!"

I admit, I probably laughed at this the first time or two I heard this one. I may have even said it once or twice myself.

But yesterday I head something genuinely funny while ringing up a customer. An grandfatherly African-American man approached the counter and handed me his book. He then told me, "I heard that it was dark and handsome discount day so I hurried right down." He was so charming I couldn't help but laugh. I replied, "You just missed it actually. It was yesterday, but you would definately have qualified." We both laughed.

Points for you, Dark and Handsome.

The holidays seem to really amp up the stupidity factor

Customer on Phone: Do you know who Michael Crichton is?

Kevin: Yes.

Customer: Do you have his Christmas CD?

Kevin: CD? Ah, he has a new book out. He's an author.

Customer: Um, no--he isn't--he's a singer? Phantom of the Opera. Michael Crichton.

Kevin: Do you mean Michael Crawford?

Customer: No--Michael Crichton.

Kevin: Then, no. We don't have his Christmas CD.

Kevin wins the stupidest customer award today!

Cannot...go...on...gasp!

There is no new Lost tonight.

How can this be?

Why am I being punished?

But wait! A new Wife Swap! I shall survive until the following week, wherein my inlaws will be silenced while Frinklin and I stare, drooling, at the TV while Lost and Wife Swap are on.

That's right.

YOU ARE FRYLOCK -- A large, hovering box of french
fries, Frylock is the voice of reason for the
Aqua Teens. He is very smart, owns a computer,
and is often exasperated by his imcompetent
roomates. He does the majority of the
crime-solving for the Hunger Force, and without
him, very little would be accomplished.


What 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force' character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Found at All Things Jennifer.

Stupid Customer of the Day

"Are the Bibles alphabetized by author?"

Thank you L. for this one!

L's fabulous answer, "Yes. They are all under 'G'."

I got the boot!

Not from work, on my car. It was a misunderstanding, really.

Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs is located in a strip mall in a very busy shopping center in San Diego. All but one mall in San Diego is owned by the evil mall-running corporation, which we will call Westfield, because that is their name.

When Bob's Hogs was built, Westfield did not anticipated that it would be the MOST POPULAR BOB'S HOGS EVER, and that the usual crappy amount of parking within our tiny parking lot would definately NOT be enough, ever. So Westfield, in their infinate stupidity, decided that all employees of Bob's Hogs must park in a different parking lot, an approximate 10 minute walk from the store. We also can park on the street, should there be any room (which there rarely is).

I have no problem with getting a little excercise each morning and evening, even if it comes in the form of dodging cars while crossing the 6 lane road which separates our parking lot from the employee parking lot. However, I do have a bit of an issue with marching back and forth several times each day when I need my car for deliveries, etc. I've argued with the Westfield Parking Gods for a few years about this and have received tickets too numerous to count during this time.

However, last week, I found out that a new Westfield Parking God has been hired. His name is Kevin. Yay Kevin! While Kevin is unable to give me any sort of pass for my vehicle (lest the other Gods of Westfield see such a thing), he does destroy my parking tickets that I get EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Apparently, as it is the holidays, they have hired a lot of new security guards, and today one efficent guard slapped FIVE bright orange signs on my car with tape stating that "YOUR CAR HAS BEEN IMMOBILIZED FOR FAILED TO PARK IN THE DESIGNATED EMPLOYEE PARKING". I was also instructed to bring $50 cash to the security guard on duty or I would never be allowed to move my car again, as a boot had been clamped on my back tire.

Kevin was very nice, and the boot was gone five minutes after I called. However, they did leave all the signs up all day to make sure people knew I was a bad, bad employee.

I look forward to going through this same routine each week as a new round of security guards begins their employment with Westfield.

I love my cats

I love my cats.
I love my cats.

That's what I keep telling myself as they continue peeing on the freakin' carpet! They have a fresh, clean litterbox that they refuse to use.

Anyone else have this problem?

(Note: solutions involving "kill 'em" or some variation of said phrase are not acceptable solutions, so don't even try.)

Did we mention the asteroid?

Dear West Wing,

What asteroid? Why is there an asteroid? Didn't I just finish reading an article in US Weekly or some other such piece of trash about how this season of The West Wing is a great improvement over the previous couple of seasons? I'm pretty sure there are no asteroids hurtling toward Earth in any respectable shows on television. I was totally with you on the MS paralyzation thing.

I suppose if you're going to jump the shark, you might as well crash spectacularly.

Sincerely,

Ensie

Lost It

I really almost did last night when Charlie was dead for a while. That chest pounding scene was dragged out a bit too long, my heart couldn't take it. He's my favorite and therefore, he cannot die.

Why can't Charlie remember anything? Did he block it out, or does he not want to remember? Who the hell is Ethan? What's in/under the metal Locke and Boone found in the ground?

And for the love of God--why and where did "they" take Claire?

And why isn't there a new episode on next week?!?

The fanciest shoes I've ever seen a business man wear

Today I was loading some boxes in my truck at the front of Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs. As I placed one box onto the tailgate I heard the sound of a shoe slipping on the concrete. I wouldn't usually pay attention to the people walking by, but looked directly at the businessman 10 feet away because of the noise his shoes made.

He was your average, nondescript businessman, dressed in your normal, everyday grey suit with a tie. He had a briefcase and a cup of coffee, and appeared to be in a hurry to get to his car. One of his shoes had slid off the edge of the concrete, forcing him to pause to fiddle with it.

Then I saw the actual shoes:

Women's purple suede flats with an extra pointy toe. I watched him as he walked away from me. He seemed comfortable in them, and I've got no problem with men wearing women's shoes. It just seemed so randomly odd to wear them with a professional looking suit.

I felt like I had glimpsed a quirky part of this man's life. No one else noticed his fancy shoes.

The best gift I never got

I've heard that a bunch of people at work got together and ordered me a fabulous gift for Frinklin's and my wedding. The shipped it two months ago and have been waiting to hear from me via thank you note. However, as it's been two months and no thank you notes have been forthcoming, a few people brought it up and asked what I thought of the gift.

Gift? What gift?

We didn't get a gift.

When the person who actually shipped the package to us found out that we didn't receive it, she called Pottery Barn, who gave her the tracking information for the gift. She contacted Fed Ex, and found out that it was delivered to my address just a few days after shipping, and that Rose Guitierrez signed for it.

The next day she informed me that Rose had signed for the package and I could likely pick it up from her. Only one slight problem, I don't know anyone named Rose Guitierrez! She's not a relative or a friend. She might be a neighbor, which would explain why she stole my gift.

Now we have to negotiate with Fed Ex and Pottery Barn to get another gift sent out, or I can try to find Rose. I have this mental image of me walking door to door in my neighborhood, knocking on doors and asking for Rose Guitierrez. Then I look behind the person holding open the door and there is my spiral candle holder hanging on their wall.

Damn you Rose Guitierrez, forcing me to speak to the neighbors!

Comedian The Movie

I watched the movie Comedian last night. For those unfamiliar, it's a documentary following Jerry Seinfeld's return to stand-up comedy with all new material. It also profiles a younger comedian, Orny Adams, looking for his big break. Yep, you read that right, Orny Adams. During his entire set the man does not say anything about his own name. He's a stand-up comedian, and not one word. How is that possible?

This movie made me really like Jerry Seinfeld, and really dislike Orny Adams. While Jerry is professional and relatively humble, Orny is arrogant and condescending to everyone. I was actively rooting for Orny to crash and burn. I feel bad, as he was moderately funny, but the fact that he was such a dick destroyed any chance that I would ever want to see him again.

He also really seems like the type of guy who would Google himself constantly to find out what the world is saying about Orny Adams. So, if you're reading this, Orny, FYI--you came across as a real dick in the movie.

The Weekly Lost Post

I had to take a couple of days to calm down from seeing Lost on Wednesday.
What the hell is up with that Ethan guy? Where did he come from? I knew there was something wrong with him from the first time Hurley talked to him. And I knew the psychic knew about the plane crash. But knowing those things didn't make watching any less suspenseful. Watching the story unfold was worth it.

The best line in the show to date:

Charlie: "We could be friends. I could be your friend. I mean, we don't have to braid eachothers' hair..."

Invited

Frinklin and I got invited to a party today. Very exciting. When I mentioned it to Frinklin we celebrated having our first real married couple friends. That invite us to stuff.

Cool.

Closer

Wow. I feel dirty.

When I wrote that Closer could be the most pretentious movie of all time, I thought I was exaggerating. Apparently, I was dead-on.

I went to see it this afternoon. I’m really glad I was alone. I don’t think I could have sat next to anyone without keeling over from embarrassment and shame. The dialog was terrible and stunted, full of these grandiose, clunking statements that you could practically hear hitting the ground from their own weight (i.e.: “Why can’t you lie? It’s the currency of the world!� and “We have to forgive. It’s what separates us from the animals.�). Then different characters take these awful lines and reuse them in other situations…bleh. I hated them all the first time I heard them.

I have to wonder what Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts, and Clive Owen were thinking when they did this film. I can’t imagine that this will up their Hollywood stock much. Or does shouting over and over (Clive, I’m talking to you here) about your sex life in excruciating detail and in the most vulgar terms raise your acting value? I felt like I was watching a really bad experimental acting class that just got away from the instructor.

Lastly, let me send a quick note to the director:

Dear Mr. Nichols,

I understand that you are considered to be an excentric sort of genius in some circles. If you ever make a film again that involves Clive Owen, please don’t make him some sort of sex crazed, perverted freak. You made him look all friendly in the trailer, giving a balloon to a smiling Julia Roberts. What the trailer failed to show is that the balloon is a gift for the woman he thought he had just had some sort of weird anonymous internet sex with (who just happened to not really be Julia—I won’t get into that part here, you know what I'm talking about). And it was really nasty anonymous internet sex, and that he was going to meet her to fulfill some twisted fantasy. That rather tainted their relationship from the beginning for me. That and his weird screaming scene where he made Julia go into agonizing detail about her adulterous sex.

Thank you,

Ensie

PS--Hire a new editor.

Happy Birthday Frinklin!

Today is my wonderful husband's birthday. I'm so very proud of him, and the people at work can probably tell you how sick they are of hearing about every amusing thing he does. I'm so lucky to be married to such an incredible man, who is one day older today than he was yesterday.

I love you Frinklin.