Both Hands

Office Space...ummmm...yeahhhh...

Samir


What Office Space character are you?
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New to me!

Went out searchin' to link it up this evening and came across the following:

ManhattanDan - " The Economist ran a fun historical article about just how republican New York has been through the ages. They agree with me, so they must be geniuses."

Are You Like Me? - " Yes, I do suffer from drug induced dreams, yet I don't do drugs."

Enjoy!

The people at Kotex need to be slapped

I know I have a weird obsession with hygeine products. I don't deny it. I've posted about both deoderant and tampons. But now, I bring before you a new level of weirdness:

Scented menstrual pads (apparently, you can't link directly to this product, so once you get there, you need to click on "Pantiliners," then "Incredibly Thin Everyday Liners" to get there).

And not just any scents. Kotex bring us protection in three completely odd flavors; Aloe, Lavender, and Chamomile. Am I the only one who thinks this is totally disgusting?

Did I not make myself clear with an earlier letter to Tampax about this sort of thing?

Seriously, people. What is wrong with you? I think they need to fire the "new products" departments at these companies. Really, is there that much new technology to be had in the period-protection department? Women have been doing it for years without any sort of assistance so far. I think we can continue on without our girlie parts smelling like a strong cup of tea.

Six Months

Today is my six month blogoversary. I've survived the infant stages and am moving rapidly toward toddler-hood.

The missing arm of Def Leppard's drummer is rolling over in it's small grave

Watch this, then listen to the sobbing of Def Leppard fans everywhere. I urge you to sit through the whole thing, if possible.

Garden State Soundtrack--It's Alive!

L. informed me yesterday that she was finally able to get a copy of the Garden State soundtrack from the distributor. Finally! I should have it in just a few days.

Oh...my...God...

Further proof that people are dumb.

Found via Desert Raspberry.

Dear Right-Wing Conspiracy Freaks,

I realize that dividing your time between Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly doesn’t leave you much time to focus on facts, but as a bookstore employee, please allow me to enlighten you. Currently, there are plenty of rumors that bookstores around the nation are conspiring to keep Unfit for Command off shelves and out of customers’ hands. This is truly one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

Bookstores are first and foremost businesses, especially the big-box bookstores. Your average bookstore employee may not agree with your particular political views, but the company views making money as the top priority. Unfit for Command is the number one bestseller in the country, and every bookstore wishes they could keep enough stock on hand to sell to everyone who wanted one.

The publisher has recently stated that they are the reason that the book is not on bookstore shelves:

Regnery spokeswoman Kelley Keeler said Tuesday that the company, a longtime publisher of conservative authors such as William F. Buckley Jr. and Pat Buchanan, can't keep up with the "huge" demand, in part because the book's September publication date was moved up as interest in the book grew.

"We're trying to get more copies out as fast as we can," spokeswoman Keeler said.

Next time you all get together to come up with a book, please MAKE THE PRINT RUN LARGER. Print ten million. Please. Let people see what a bunch of story changing, Republican connected folks you are. I encourage you.

My real hope is that this will keep asshats* like yourselves from yelling at myself or my fellow booksellers every time we have to explain that we have sold out of the book. You don't want to hear that we will gladly order the book for you when available again or reserve you a copy when we get more in stock. As soon as, “No, we can…� is out of my mouth I’m being screamed and stomped at with shouts of “Liberal bias!� and “I’ll never shop here again!�

I’m tired of hearing from you. Please go away. It’s not a conspiracy. Just chill the fuck out. I really want the Garden State soundtrack but they didn’t print enough of that either. So I’m waiting, too.

Thanks,

Ensie

*Thanks to Your Moosey Fate for reminding what a fun word "asshat" is. Asshat! Hahahaha.

Brushes with Randomness -- Sports Edition!

A little over a week ago, Richard at Pearly Gates decided to make fun of my sport of choice, Dressage. To the untrained eye, I suppose it can look like competative horse walking. However, it is actually closer to ballet on horseback.

Seriously.

The horse and rider move in together in perfect balance, performing varying levels of specified maneuvers within a rectangular ring. My Dad compares watching Dressage to watching grass grow. "It takes a sophisticated eye!" I've been known to reply. Dressage is performed as part of Three Day Eventing and Dressage-only Olympic competition.

Well, now the laugh is on him. His favorite Anaheim Angel, Troy Glaus, is married to a woman named Ann, who I grew up riding with; riding dressage with, to be exact. Until recently, she still taught my sister on the weekends.

Easily Amused

Inspired by Random Pensees' post of an amusing T-shirt he saw recently, I present the following:

On a T-shirt of a co-worker:
-Can't sleep, clowns will eat me...

On bumperstickers:
-I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I really just wanted paychecks.
-Help wanted: telepath. You know where to apply.
-I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
-I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up
-Suburbia: Where they cut down the trees and name the streets after them
-There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.

Why are all the quizzes I take wrong?

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Thanks Frinklin.

Famouser

I've been feeling rather famous lately. In the span of just a few days, I ended up with several new links to Both Hands from Mediocre Fred (who will be moving to Munuvania soon, I believe), All Things Jen(nifer), and Serial Blogonomy. I don't say this because I'm bragging (Ok, a little) but more because I'm insecure and every new link is someone saying, "I like you. Lets be blog friends!"

Maybe they're not saying anything remotely that goofy, but in my head, that's what it sounds like. I don't want to a link whore, but (and other bloggers will support me on this, I'm sure) you really do feel good when someone likes you enough to link to you. Plus, I remember the lean times when Frinklin was the only person who linked to me.

Starting a blog is easy. Staying with a blog for any length of time is difficult. You have to convince yourself that what you have to say is interesting enought that people will seek it out to read it. Sometimes by accident, but hopefully, eventually, someone will look for your site on purpose and possibly (if you're really lucky) on a consistent basis. Thinking about the number of websites and blogs on the internet makes my brain hurt, like thinking about infinity.

So, I've decided to link it up every so often to mostly newer (or just new to me) blogs. You can call it a "new blog showcase" if you like. I prefer to think of it as visiting new neighbors with a pie. Not that I would ever actually do that in my neighborhood.

I searched and searched the Infinite Microbe Universe at Truth Laid Bear's Ecosystem and came up with the following:

The Utility Muffin Research Kitchen--"Shitting Hell! I MUST KNIT CAKES AND BISCUITS! It is surely what I was BORN to do!"

Debbie Does Drivel--"Check your e-mail, then one second later, check it again, because the e-mail could have come in that space between one second before and one second later?"

The Armchair Critic--"I don't know anyone who sincerely enjoys the act of sweating profusely through a t-shirt for an hour and then smelling like dead grass to boot. "

Mediocre Fred Agrees with me!

Thanks Fred! Glad to see someone has some taste buds around here that aren't corrupted by the Olive Garden.

Garden State

A full price movie review! That's how good this movie is. How good is it?

So good I cried. Twice. Since I cry at pretty much everything, this isn't a big surprise to those who know me.

So good I laughed many times. And not at stupid things, but at smart dialog and good writing.

So good I immediately drove to Best Buy and attempted to purchase the soundtrack. They were out. I then proceeded to drive my husband crazy by asking him to visit every store he passed on his way home that sold any type of music. He went to 5 stores and came home empty handed. I called three more stores and also struck out. I finally downloaded the iTunes iMix (The "i" ibefore ieverything istops ibeing icute iand igets ireally iold iafter iabout ithree iminutes ion iTunes) of the Garden State Soundtrack, as the real soundtrack wasn't available. A couple of the artists aren't even available on iTunes, so I'm still gonna need to order it somewhere. Dammit. I guess I should be pleased that so many others are also loving the soundtrack, but it makes life more difficult for me.

So good I called Frinklin upon leaving the theater and informed him that I would be leaving him for Zach Braff. I feel a little guilty about this, as Frinklin was the one who originally got me to start watching Scrubs. It's always worse when the husband introduces his wife to the other man.

I'll be going back to visit my boyfriend on the big screen this weekend. And Natalie Portman, who I also love.

Confidential to Zach Braff (who I'm SO sure will be reading this)--Thank you for giving Natalie Portman's character epilepsy. My sister has epilepsy, and for whatever reason, it makes me happy to see others with epilepsy portrayed as normal human beings without seizures, as they are most of the time.

PS--Zach Braff's Garden State Blog will be taking up permanent residence in my blogroll, too. Because I love him.

Macaroni Grill is better

I'm not one of those people who eats at a lot of fancy-schmancy, high-falouten (just how does one spell "falouten"?) restaurants. I'm a poor person. I can't afford to blow several day's worth of income on one meal (however, I do accept gifts and charity for such restaurants). We at the Frinklin-Ensie household are chain restaurant eaters, and proud of it.

I enjoy a good Denny's breakfast, although Cocos is better. I'm a fan of Pat and Oscars (thank you God, for sending your breadsticks down from Heaven). I love a good Big Mac, Whopper, or Chipotle taco. Long live the chain restaurant.

However, I HATE the Olive Garden. Hate. And I love you Dawn, but you are SO wrong on the Olive Garden thing. Their food is just plain bad. Why would you EVER need to eat at the Olive Garden when there is the garden of eden that is Romanos Macaroni Grill? I literally walked through a snowstorm for 1/2 mile (and back!) to get to the Macaroni Grill that was several icy blocks from my Ann Arbor, Michigan hotel room this past March. And I'm from San Diego. I don't do snow. Ever.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the Olive Gardens are better back East, but I doubt it.

Oh--and Applebee's? You can suck it. I hate you too.

Hell is good

Apparently, believing in Hell makes us better people, and better off. So says as a study from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis.

This really does make sense. Although it doesn't make a great case for the inherent nature of mankind, what with the apprent threat of eternal damnation hanging over us to keep us on the straight and narrow.

In sort-of related news; Romanian police are sending criminals to church instead of prison, and they say it works. I realize such a thing would never fly in the US (that pesky freedom of religion thing might get in the way), but it's interesting to see in a country that is very religious.

Tribute to a great dog--Tugboat

Tyler Hamilton won the gold medal in the Olympic time trial in cycling. It was great to see him win, especially after all the health problems he's had.

But the best part? After the race, a reporter asked Hamilton about his performance. He stated that the race was dedicated to his dog, Tugoboat, who had died while Hamilton raced in the Tour de France earlier this year. He held up a small metal object--Tugboat's dog tag--which he carried with him while he raced. Sniff.

To read Hamilton's own words on his dog click here.

Brushes with Randomness

I'm inspired to write about brushes with famousness just like Finslippy and Serial Blogonomy. This post will probably get longer in future days as my memory slowly focuses in on a few of many forgotten moments. Don't smoke pot, kids.

· I am a touch point in the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. So, anyone who knows me is only one degree away. He and his brother of the Bacon Brothers band played at a store I used to work at. I shook his hand, trying really hard not to remember that I had recently seen him naked in Wild Things. Shudder.

· I shook Newt Gingrich’s hand at a book signing I was in charge of at a convention. He was very nice and was signing at the same table as James Carville, who was a total asshole and yelled at my assistant the whole time.

· Deepak Chopra shook my hand. He is very small.

· Rob Halford lives in San Diego and shops at the store I work in quite a bit. He lives across the street from Balboa Park, and the San Diego Gay Pride parade goes down his street every July. Every year he gets pissed off at all the hoopla that prevents him from getting home and spends time at Bob's Hogs, perusing CDs and ranting to employees.

· Louie Anderson bought coffee where I work. He was large and quiet. I felt embarrassed for him every time I looked at him due to his gay extortion scandal.

· I met Cyndi Lauper at Gay Pride a few years ago. She was very pretty and very friendly.

As I listed these brushes with celebrity, it slowly dawned on me that although I’ve shaken the hands of various famous/known folks, my interactions with them have been relatively short-lived and not very interesting. It is a truly random spread of people, though.

Possibly the BEST sweatshirt ever

I LOVE this sweatshirt. It cracks me up. Plus, John Mayer is wearing it. Which makes it extra good.

Smile you son of a...

Bunnies again!

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

Actually, I'm the Queen of Everything

Villager:
You would have lived the average life of an average
villager.


Who would you be in a Medieval Village?
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Found at Serial Blogonomy.

I'm a little troubled by this result, as I got here by clicking all the "I prefer comfortable clothes" and "I like the easy life" answers. Didn't medieval villagers have miserable lives full of incredible amounts of work and filth? I think I need to retake this and become the Queen Of Everything.

Lazy

I'm just a bit too lazy to blog today. However, I will be defending myself against this sort of thing shortly.

Magical Trevor

Feel free to replace the Kenya song that's been stuck in your head forever with a new ditty--Magical Trevor.

Dear Ben Kingsley,

To my knowledge, you are a good and decent human being. You are a fine actor. I admire your work in several films (and many, many previews). Lately, I've noticed you're starting to pick movies that really, well, they suck really bad, Ben. Really bad. Thunderbirds? Really? As if a movie directed by "Two Takes Frakes" could be good in any way. It's based on the creepiest puppet TV show ever. And that's saying a lot. Now I read that you're set to be the head vampire in the movie version of the videogame BloodRayne.

Why, Ben?

Why?

Do we really need a movie about a teenage vampire that makes the MOST sexual noises (beating Laura Croft by a mile) you've ever heard in your life every time she moves? It's bad enough there's a sequel to the game coming out, let alone a movie.

But I digress.

Whenever you decide to start making good movies again I promise to start seeing them. Until that time, I'll continue to mock you mercilessly in the company of my close friends and family. And remember, you're hearing this from the girl that forked over $7.00 to see the theater version of Garfield. GARFIELD, my friend. I am no stranger to bad films.

Please take a moment to consider what you're doing here.

Thanks,

Ensie

What we WON'T be eating at the reception

No worries. I don't have any cousins attending so no danger of this happening.

While discussing the eating of relatives at one's wedding earlier today at work, we began wondering if each of us could eat another human being. I said no. Meagan said, "Hell Yes!" Which left Shawn and I staring at her, the girl who already knows she could totally eat another person.

She did clarify that she would only eat another person if it was required, such as a survival situation. The movie Alive was discussed at length at this point. I finally conceded that if it were a survival situation, I could probably eat a human being. We decided that ideally, Meagan would be there to assist with preparation and the actual cooking of the person, so it would be unrecognizable as such when served.

Then the District Manager walked in and we stopped discussing hypothetical people eating and starting working.

Birthday Dinner

Thanks SOOO much to my sister Katie and her fiance Craig for taking Frinklin and myself out for a wonderful dinner at Charlie's By the Sea.

We had a fabulous time and love, love, loved the food.

Without explanation

If you are from Idaho, make your voice heard! Read this to see why.

Pressure

I'm feeling a lot of pressure to ENJOY myself today. A lot. That's ENJOY in capitals, OK? It's the last day of freedom until, well, the weekend, which is a very short distance away. But still...it's the last week-day of not working for a while. In the grand scale of life pressures, this ranks relatively low. But in my little world, it's the most important thing going on. Oh, and the fact that I haven't addressed a single reception invitation yet.

The Terrorists Win!

I really thought we were done with the phrase "The Terrorists Win!" Anyone who uses this grouping of words is authomatically discounted completely in my world. Whatever they say no longer holds merit or meaning for me.

I'm tired of all the dramatic speech that indicates that At! Any! Moment! We! Could! Be! Attacked! And that I should be aware of that fact At! All! Times! but in no way should I alter my daily course in ANY way. If I should decide to go to the DQ for a Blizzard instead of to Jamaba Juice for a smoothie--well, The Terrorists Win. I realize it really has to do with altering my daily course due to fear of terrorism, but I still hear "The Terrorists Win!" being bandied about a little too often.

I fully understand the reaasoning behind not allowing the terrorists to win. I just keep getting this big picture of the Terrorists and George Bush playing Chess. Or maybe it's Risk.

OCD me?

The Count's Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

It started with a simple affection for counting and
the terror it induced in others, didn't it?
But now it's turned into a full-blown
life-consuming chaotic nightmare of order,
repetition, zealousness, and perfectionism.
You used to be so grand, but now you find
yourself obsessively worrying over the littlest
things--like, maybe if you don't check the
light switch at least once every two minutes,
the electricity will go out (and damnit, you're
a vampire--that shouldn't be a problem!), or
maybe if you don't wash your hands until your
seams are coming out, you'll get some fatal
disease. Get yourself some treatment.


Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
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The Best Husband Ever

***ATTENTION: Extreme mushiness ahead--proceed at own risk!***

Why? You may ask? Why is Frinklin the BEST HUSTBAND EVER? Because, right now, he is driving to get me Hershey's Carmel Kisses, just because I asked. And, well, probably technically because it's my birthday and I get whatever I want today, but I'm sure he would have done it even if it wasn't my birthday.

Thanks Honey! I love you.

"The Village" Update

Now I feel all smarty-smart for noticing this right away. Guess I wasn't the only one. Margaret Peterson Haddix, the author of Running Out of Time, and her publisher, Simon and Schuster, also noticed the similarities between her book and M. Night Shyamalan's new movie, The Village.

I realize that entertainment lawsuits happen all the time over stolen ideas, but twice in a row? That appears to be pushing it a bit.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I'm about to play havoc with the chest muscles. I'm in for a long day of lounging by the pool with my sisters, alternating with vicious Marco Polo bouts. Wish me luck!

Strained Chest Muscles Totally Suck

When will I be better? I haven't done any of my usual chest-muscle activity lately in a real attempt at feeling well and whole again. Things I have not done in the last several weeks that I really wanted to do except it might bother my chest:

1. horseback riding
2. swimming
3. dog walking
4. delivering boxes of stuff to customers
5. Olympic gymnastics trial

OK--I probably wouldn't have done the last one even if I was feeling 100%.

Haven't I done my time? The only things I've lifted lately have been wedding cake sample albums at (plug for the bakery doing my wedding cake) It's A Piece A Cake. Apparently, wedding cake sample albums are the exact weight and size to cause my chest muscles to feel just like they did after I first injured them. I spent all day yesterday watching movies with an ice pack on my chest. Frinklin can smell me coming from 50 feet away with all the ICY HOT® I have smeared on.

Really. A Dildo.

No actual dildos were involved in the making of this link.

Hey--maybe the next movie could be about a kid who discovers he's a wizard!

I saw The Village today. I must confess, I knew one of the twists already. Can't say it would have changed the viewing experience if I hadn't known about it.

I won't give away the first secret, but I'd like to discuss the ending further (spoilers!):

So...it's not really the 1800s. It's really the present day. Big shocker. I saw that one coming from the second scene in the film where the camera focuses shakily on the recently deceased's gravestone. That's fine. Mr. Shyamalan can do whatever he wants. Except plagiarize children's books. That sucks. I've already seen the same story idea elsewhere. It's not identical by any means, but the main ideas (girl from the 1800s must travel to the city to get medicine to save those she loves) are there.

Was the pressure too much M. Night? Couldn't come up with another original idea? I understand. It's a lot of pressure. I can't even come up with something to blog about each day. I'm just disappointed. I finally worked up the courage to see a scary movie (the first since Blair Witch) and this is really the best you could come up with?

And, enough with the color red already. We get it. It's bad. Bad in The Sixth Sense. Bad in The Village Maybe next time you could make it blue or something to mix it up?

I totally want to know what's on George's iPod

"Talking to Cheney and realized I forgot the nuclear launch codes again. It's so simple, too..."

Answer: A Lot

Alex, I'll take debilitating medical conditions for 500!

Question: How much to migraine headaches hurt?

No--you are!

your asshole.


What swear word are you?
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Found at Your Moosey Fate. Thanks!

The UNITED States of America?

So, unless I sign a pledge that I will support President Bush, I can't attend the Vice President's speech?

Is that a promise?

Dammit!

I really freakin' hate it when I post something with a really stupid typo and don't realize it until the post has been up for a good, oh, week or so.

I need a disclaimer on each post that reads:

**Spelling and grammatical errors are not due to stupidity of the author, but from the extreme speed at which the author types**

Officially Registered

I successfully ordered the reception invitations for Frinklin's and my wedding reception that will take place in September. My Mom is no longer amused that I keep referring to it as "the party where you need a present to get in the door." Since the invitations are on their way, Frinklin and I finally decided we should get registered for gifts. Just a note to you future marrieds--DON'T tell anyone you're getting married (or have gotten married, if you eloped like us) unless you're already registered someplace. Be prepared to be asked by everyone and their sister where you are registered, and if you're not registered, when (for the LOVE of GOD!) will you be?

Last Saturday Frinklin and myself spend WAY too much time at both Target and Pottery Barn. The process itself was pretty simple. We got to use a gun (which isn't as fun as it sounds) to scan items we wanted. It was soooo helpul that most of the things we wanted lacked a SKU or a barcode to scan. Their high-tech solution for this problem? Carry a notepad with you and write down a description of what it is you want. They'll add it in later (note to self: double check registry online to confirm they entered the correct stuff).

I felt almost guily picking out a bunch of stuff that we don't NEED all that much. I've been living on my own (off and on) for at least 5 years, and between Frinklin and myself we have a lot of junk already. I already have two spatulas...do I really need a newer, fancier one just because? I've been planning a garage sale for over two years (and it's just about ready) to get RID of a bunch of excess stuff, we have so much of it. Maybe I should allow my spatulas to move onto greener pastures and make room for a new one in the cooking untensil drawer. I mean, every spatula needs a home, right?

We only allowed ourselved to register for a few "big ticket" items. Y'know--the things you REALLY want, but that are way too expensive for people to actually purchase. You want examples? Things like the Dyson DC07 RootCyclone Animal ("the first vaccuum that doesn't lose suction"--built specifically for pet hair!), the HP Photosmart All-In-One Printer/Flatbed Fax/Scanner/Copier, and the Panasonic Silver DVD Recorder and Player. I doubt we'll receive any of these items, but it's fun to dream. And, if you're feeling generous and would like to purchase any of the above items, e-mail me and we'll talk.

**Update! We've officially UNregistered for the Panasonic Silver DVD Recorder and Player and have instead registered for the Tivo 80 Hour Series 2 DVR.**

Happy Pride!

I know I'm a little late, but Happy Gay Pride, San Diego!